The Beginning: Sharing My Experience of Black Existence

Black Lives Matter is delicate and very complex. We’ve seen action that will help incite change but there is also harmful rhetoric that threatens to distract from the goal.

I have a lot I want to say but speaking from emotion rarely goes well (especially with this delicate issue). I stepped back from social media to gather my thoughts.

I think about the famous Activists and Political Fighters of the past and immediately think to myself “what can I do that even compares to their history-making efforts?” As great as their efforts were, they ended up assassinated or imprisoned.

That’s when I accept it’s a journey, I wouldn’t call myself an Activist but I do have a voice. It may not ring as loud and have as much reach as the Black Activists of previous times but it may affect change around me, which can ripple out and create a little more change… and then ripple out… you see where I’m going with this.

We keep telling people to educate themselves but I think we all know the history – even if not to its core – I doubt anyone can say they are unaware of slavery. It is important to keep reading the books and watching the documentaries though because they are important. Hopefully the more you know about history the less likely you are to repeat it.

A lot of Black People have spoken out about their experiences and this is absolutely education as well. Many people aren’t aware of the covert and subtle racism that happens on a daily basis in today’s society (or at least claim not to know). Unfortunately, rather that be eradicated, we’ve seen racism morph and changes faces over time.

I will speak for myself and hope that those who know me (especially in person) can empathise and better understand my existence as a Black Woman.

As I said, I will share more in the coming weeks but briefly: there are many prevalent stereotypes placed upon the Black Existence. Existing often feels like a constant battle that consists of nothing else but trying to challenge the narratives. It’s draining to spend so much time trying to prove you’re not what they say you are.

It’s easy to say “but you shouldn’t feel the need to do that” but isn’t that the issue? As Black People, just being who we are evidently makes others uncomfortable.

When I was younger, there were times that I was so lost in trying to challenge the Black stereotypes placed upon me, I didn’t really know who I was. Even then, sometimes people will poke, provoke and gaslight you into proving them right.

My upbringing was turbulent to say the least and like I said, I will share more in the coming weeks.

I will end this by saying, I was made very aware of my skin colour at the age of 4 – through things that happened to me. The adults who should have stepped in, let it happen and that’s very likely a reason why I don’t trust people.

4 year old Helen became very aware that her skin is black, that she will experience things that nobody ever should because of that and it’s likely that nobody will fight her corner.

It’s all good though, I thank God that I’m here. Some people say there is no God and that’s okay but if you ask me, without God I would not be here today and have made it this far.

Right now, I may not be able to incite the kind of change I want to but I can start by sharing my experiences.

Black Power.

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