I doubt that you ever will but I hope somehow you find and read this…

Written: 17 May, 3:12AM


I dreamt of you just now, like never before
You needed me, in a way you’ve never said you needed me before
You needed to talk, you needed me more
I was sorting through things and you walked out the door

That last part isn’t new, you’re the only one I know
There through some times, where you are now, I don’t know
I’m laying here, broken, exhibiting the things you do
By that I mean, I don’t know how to love and how I’m living is proof

Like you, I think I find some kind of comfort in my solace
But maybe the dream I had is some kind of promise
That somehow you’ll make it back to me
I’m laying here crying at the impracticality

Dad if you read this, I doubt that you will
In my dream you were broken and I know how you feel
You’ve done me wrong but, you are my blood
Deep down I was happy you were looking to me for love

I’ve been wishing people well, their families too
They say it back but what if they knew
A family is something that I’ve never really known
I’ve grown colder the more that I’ve grown

I’m thinking about everything that you’ve ever done
Bruised me and battered my mind – while I was so young
You blamed me for everything that he did to me
You should have been there with protection to give to me

But I made it through and although I should hate you
You’ve visited once and back then I tried to save you
Again, you walked out on me for something so dumb
Something I did to make sure you stayed number one

It wasn’t that deep, and now you’re back again
This time in my dream, and almost like a friend
Dad if you read this, I doubt that you will
Know I still love you, I know how you feel

I still don’t understand the things that you did
But you are my blood and together we lived
Between you giving me away and my need to escape
Day after day I was bruised by you, but I stayed

But one time, the mental abuse got too much
You’d look for nothing at all to plug, to blow up
That day you left my leg swollen and blue
That weekend I spent 48 hours hiding in my room

Dad, you should have just kept me close
The first time around and just never let go
But if you ever reach out – I doubt that you will
Doubt that you can – I still love you – I hope you know

Dad, I’m balling my eyes out as I type this
Where are you know? I don’t need you to right this
I just need family, I just need you, nothing to prove
Because of real love I’m not capable, I guess neither are you

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