How has your upbringing Affected Your Expectations of People? On this episode of The Misanthropic Life (TML) the two hosts discuss a question posed by psychotherapist, author and speaker, Esther […]
How has your upbringing Affected Your Expectations of People?
On this episode of The Misanthropic Life (TML) the two hosts discuss a question posed by psychotherapist, author and speaker, Esther Perel.
“Were you raised for loyalty or autonomy?”
They discuss how they were raised and how it has affected their social narratives in different contexts such as education, government, religion, work, other people’s expectations of them, relationships/friendships and even brand loyalty.
In the caption of Esther’s original post she explains how each person grows up in a relational culture — at home, school, in communities as well as within a larger political, social and economic system — which underpins the beliefs we have about what to expect from people.
Raised with the idea that relationships are central, you are likely to have the ability to engage with loyalty and collaboration. Raised with the idea that relationships are secondary, you are more likely to be the person who does everything themselves.
It is to the latter script I relate. I have implicitly, yet aggressively, been raised for autonomy. Relationships are secondary to me not because I was the centre but because I learnt through experience that I can only rely on myself, as Esther elaborates in her social media post (see below).
This does not mean I am selfish, and to some extent my upbringing has made me a people-pleaser, but I like to be left to my own devices when I can not be of positive, functional service.
^^ Click image to listen to the podcast episode ^^
Posing the idea of a loyalty-autonomy spectrum, the TML hosts discuss how loyalty and autonomy by definition are not the opposite of each other and one is not bad and the other good.
They also discuss the very real analysis that unfortunately loyalty can at times be crippling and come with a lot of emotional baggage, but it is important to know how to switch between loyalty and autonomy with integrity and good intent.
The Misanthropic Life is a podcast on which “two millennials, struggling to understand their increasingly divided and ever-changing world, discuss society, culture, technology and the pressures these forces are exerting on the individual today.”
You can follow Esther Perel on Instagram: @EstherPerelOfficial and below is the original post.