Why I’ve decided to start looking out for me, first

I can love you, hate you or just you know, like you. I’d say my downfall however is when I love you and I’m not talking ‘in love,’ I’m talking pure love, love that is dictated by how much I truly care for and appreciate you. I have a big heart and often find that I will put the needs of another before those of my own.

Not to go too deep into things, I’ll give you a simple example; I’ve planned my day and have a target for what I want to achieve but I have someone who wants me to help them babysit. Rather than say no, I will sacrifice my plans and dismiss my targets and help the person who, might I add has last-minute, asked for my help. I do this because I don’t want to let the person that I love down. Essentially though, when this is done, I’ve probably ended up not revising for an exam I should have or cancelled something I’ve wanted or needed to do for ages.

I’ve probably lived like this for three years. Those three years haven’t at all been bad but they probably haven’t been the best they could have been because a lot of the time, I’ve sacrificed my gratification for that of others. There’s been a massive shift in my life in the last year and I’ve learnt that myself is the only person I should depend on. If I’m the only person I should depend on, I have to make things happen for myself and being there for people all the time just isn’t realistic.

Pleasing everyone I’ve found get’s you nowhere. Pleasing everyone I’ve found just makes them more dependent on you. Pleasing everyone I’ve found has been detrimental for me because I find it almost absolutely impossible to say no to a person who turns to me for help. What I had to analyse though was that, fair enough, the ones I helped, I love. They were very close to me but did they turn to me for help because they couldn’t do the task themselves or because they had just become reliant on the fact that Helen will be able to do it.

What I’m trying to get off my chest is that, I’ve come to a point where my circumstances need to be attended to first, they can’t take a back seat. I guess a few people in my life, some even being family, can’t see this. So I started saying “no” and for very valid reasons, it wasn’t even because I wanted to lounge about all day, I had important things doing and it’s proved that people apparently can’t accept this. The truth remains though; I can’t help you at the expense of my future. To them it may seem little but all the little “yes, I’ll help you’s” add up to a substantial amount of time. Time that frankly, I need.

Those that can’t accept you have your own things to do and your future ahead of you, quite bluntly are an obstacle. Anyone that values you enough will understand that the answer to everything they ask you for, can not and will not be “yes”.

To contradict myself, pleasing everyone, I suppose can be done but it will be at the expense of becoming the best you can be. Achieving less than the best is not an option for me and the road to success is the only road on which I wish to tread. The people who aren’t there any more, well maybe it’s better. To the people who are there and love you and understand your path to success, my help when it is available, is always there. These people aren’t the obstacles, they’re the motivators. Remove every obstacle from your life and achieve the best you can because you can only do this if you dedicate yourself and all you have, to doing so.

Time doesn’t stop ticking, allocate it wisely. Live and love life for you, not another because only you are the key to your success.

Key to Success


  1. Very inspiring and motivational my dearest. You got me thinking about all the past friendships etc.. Keep the posts coming along, you will soon be running “The Sunday Times” head quarters in no time with these posts. ;)


  2. So so true…I need to start putting my own goals before other people…without being completely selfish of course…good work Helen x


  3. Another great piece of writing, you Helen are bound for success! Work hard and you’ll be there in no time, this was a real eye opener and I can relate 100%, sometimes its only right to be selfish and put yourself first, we’ve got to prioritise our own lives.. This has helped me understand that better :)

    As a great friend of mine once said. ‘Live and love life for you, not another because only you are the key to your success.’ Helen Abass.. LOL!


  4. Wow, beautifully written, expressed and weighed-up.
    I can see eye to eye with you and I’m always one to allow other people’s expectations to hem me in. I guess in a way, it’s a natural thing… As humans and being the social creatures we are, we tend to be people-pleaser’s. But when all’s said and done, I totally agree with you… Try to please all and you will please none (especially yourself) – reading this has helped me to realise this more so thank you


Leave A Comment...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s